Being Brave

Early this morning I did probably the hardest thing I've done since I got to Germany. And, surprisingly, it didn't have anything to do with German or Germany. No, this morning I had to say goodbye to my mom. I helped her pack her bags last night, it was nothing. I knew she had to leave, no big deal. But this morning when she gave me a hug and started to roll her suitcases out the door to catch the bus, it was a completely different story. Alydia and I watched her walk down the path to the bus stop from our window, waving all the way. It wasn't until she was almost out of sight that Alydia realized what was happening, realized that what we had been talking about for the past week (Grandma going back to Tupelo) was finally going to happen. Then we both cried.
She didn't want to go to school, I didn't want to go to school. But today was one of my "first day of class" days, and I had to go or forfeit my spot in each of my classes. Alydia was such a typical two-year-old. She kept trying to find reasons to be sad. When she realized Grandma needed to go back to Tupelo to take care of everyone else, she got upset about the suitcases being gone.
Fortunately, I was able to bribe both her and myself to cheer up and get to school by rewarding each of us with a piece of chocolate before we walked inside.
The day (which had started at 5:30 a.m.) was then filled with a bunch of hour-and-a-half classes where I had to put every ounce of energy into understanding what was being said. Fortunately, my teachers today spoke a lot more slowly than the one I had yesterday. It was also fortunate that I had to concentrate so hard, otherwise I would have started crying again, and you know how Germans hate emotion...
So tonight Alydia and I made waffles (undoubtably her favorite dish) and played with some new toys Grandma had left behind (She loved them, by the way, mom. Thanks!). Then it was off to bed with the promise that tomorrow morning we could talk briefly to Grandma.
We read our goodnight story, and sang our goodnight song, and she settled down quite nicely all things considered. I'm not quite convinced that she won't wake up upset in the middle of the night, but we'll see. As for me, I'm all by myself, in an apartment, in Germany, with a child. Before I left people kept telling me I was brave, and I kept saying it was no big deal because my mom was going to be here. Well, she's not here anymore. My door is double locked, and I definitely don't feel brave. Every day, though, I know it's going to get a little bit easier, and after a while it'll feel normal to me. I guess what I never really thought about, though, was the security of having someone else in the room. The ease of mind that comes with knowing that, in an emergency, there are two people to help. The helpfulness of having one more person to think up ideas for dinner...
such is life, I guess.